Friday, May 16, 2008

White noise
















Grains on the T V
Un- tuned radio
Plane taking off
Disturbed sleep, vivid imagery.
Pain… and more pain
Ugliness
Dirt
Heavy metal
Aaoge jab tum, bheegi bheegi, afterglow, apologize
Beauty
Clean, lovable feet
Freshness
Sweat
Work- outs, till you see black spots
Bailey and Love
Gregory house
A black contraption with a ‘w’
Allison Cameron
5:50 in the morning
writing
Music at 11:00 in the night
Rudeness
Free speech

If someone betrays you once, it is their fault;If someone betrays you twice, it is your fault ....


"I see music"
- greg house

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Distraught

Me: A mistake? How could this happen?


None in particular: Welcome to the real world!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Read the post below first...

DAY TWO:
Dancer and cine- star Shobhana. Right.. i sound like our anchor now. She is beautiful... (say it with the right inflections maga).. She is beautiful.. again with the inflection i would assume when i'd describe an apsara. Priya, Rachana and I were five feet away from the stage. Could swear she smiled at us a couple of times. :) She was amazing, so were her students. Dashavatara, Ma Kali avatar's birth, spring, A R Rahman's 'warriors' theme... some things she depicted. An experience.. nothing short of it.


Repeat performance of chouu dance. People had not seen it the earlier day because of the delays.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

The reason

One event merged with the other only to conclude. Three exhilarating days, three days that swept me off my feet and landed me in another galaxy. The galaxy had brilliant stars that secretly told anyone who would listen, their story. If you listened carefully enough, you’d find something truly precious.
Yes! SDM Utsav lasted three days. The name of the event was enough for anyone’s head in Hubli- Dharwad to go tizzy. The three days with its manifold attractions. The entrance, mukha mantapa, food court, the stage, oh- yes the stage ten feet high and huge, and the people on the stage! All this amidst the sprawling 40-acre land of our S.D.M (Shri Dharmasthala Manjunatheshwara) College of Medical sciences and Hospital, decorated like a palace for a modernist Rajah.
I do not know how they must have planned all this. The management has spent every penny so meticulously that you can actually see each penny reaping its full value. This is only because they have let the money flow, the people’s entertainment being their topmost priority, at the same time not compromising on their own values. Never could you see in the entire three days, people unnecessarily throwing things on the grounds or anywhere in the campus. This is actually quite a feat for the hubli- dharwad region, famous for its untidy and dirty ways. This is just one small thing. At large, it seemed as though; anyone who attended the utsav was infused with the S.D.M spirit.
After many days of waiting for april 2nd, (the wait was long, exciting. I wanted to help with the smallest of jobs, my friends and I even contemplated helping with the constructions, laying brick by brick) anyway, the day finally arrived. Priya and I along with ten other classmates and juniors were entrance and mukha- mantapa volunteers. We were hyper excited and took up the challenge of welcoming thirty- thousand people (priya and I must have welcomed ten thousand, that being our duration at the entrance). The mukha mantapa was also the place of the performance of various regional dancers. We saw dollu kunita, kavadiattam, theyyam at the entrance.

Day one:

Our own performance was on this first day of the utsav. So we were student artistes for the day and were naturally allowed backstage. Artistes for the day were Praveen Godkhindi (flute) and hariharan. It all began with the object of the whole utsav, the Samarpana Samarambha. It was something dreamlike. Dr. Veerendra Heggade with his wife Hemavathi Heggade came up on stage with Shrinidhi Bhat bearing a royal umbrella. Words cannot describe the majesty of the elaborate ritual that followed. There were yellow- dhoti clad boys chanting mantras in the background. There was a massive photo frame of Sri Manjunatheshwara, to which the Heggade couple paid obeisance. Rev. Heggade then addressed the audience. The cultural programmes began.
Praveen Godkhindi came up on stage. The wind was blowing in his long curls; he was extremely handsome. He told us he passed out from S.D.M engineering college only some years back. He said he was honoured to play in front of the 25,000- odd audience and on the same day as Padmashri Hariharanji. All this time, I was about fifteen feet away from the stage watching and waiting for him to start. I am now talking about the time before his performance and realize yet again that it was one of the most significant things that has happened in my life and there is a pre- godkhindi period of appreciation of music and post- godkhindi period of the same.
Well, he started with the raag marwa and everything stopped still for me. I was enthralled and stood rooted to the spot. There was nothing other than him and his flute. I was not aware of my body; the music was playing inside my heart. He then started playing “Krishna”. He asked the audience to say ‘Krishna” at the end of his taan. The collective cry of “krishna’ rent the air. It was too much. His drummer played a solo extraordinarily. Godkhindi then concluded with a slightly westernized recital. There were tears in my eyes at this point. After this, my friends and I were backstage for our performance and lo and behold, Godkindi was coming out of the stage at the time. He was probably a foot or two away and I wished to open my mouth, jump out and touch his feet, cry or scream.. But I realized I was paralyzed. I was badly disappointed at my lack of expression. Our vande mataram performance was next and we got an amazing response. Neha as bharat mata was superb.
We went backstage. There godkhindi was standing, people were making a pathway for hariharan to occupy the stage now and he after meeting him in his green room had come out and was standing at the sides too. I asked Dr. alur if I could speak to him. He said ‘of course!’ I could have a picture too. I ran at it head- on, I literally ran to Godkhindi and the conversation was thus:

Me: that concert was beyond words sir, I am learning music and I can’t tell you in words how much I loved it.
PG (smiling graciously): thank you very much.
Me: It was simply amazing sir, can I, please, touch your feet?
PG (with an expression of ‘what can I say?’)
Me (not waiting for his answer actually, bends down and touches his feet)
PG: god bless you (and hugs me)
Dr. Alur shouts for me to turn to the camera and the moment is recorded.

That extremely brief conversation was enough.
I went out after this, and was at the side of the stage again. Dr. S.K. Joshi our vice dean, hospital side, called me aside and asked me my name and year. I told him. He said he was watching my dance. I, thinking, he was referring to vande mataram just smiled and said thank you. He told me that he thought I seem to really love music a lot. He told me he saw me dancing to godkhindi’s flute and he saw me lose myself. I thanked Sarawati devi for giving me the mind to appreciate his music whatever little I might have appreciated.


Next was Hariharan’s performance. He was like god for his fans. Sang song after song with ease, grace and aplomb. His rich voice, immersed in classical music was showing through his variations of each line of his songs. He sang with remarkable ease. I had attended Shankar mahadevan’s concert very recently and found myself comparing the two. Both are equally talented. But Shankar is better as a performer and is more unassuming and grounded. Hariharan is a slightly arrogant performer but ofcourse it is a very “artist trait”. He involved the audience in many places. Here too, about ten of us were at the side of the stage and he directed his attention towards us a lot of times and even sang the songs we asked him to sing. Soul- India was his theme and he wore saffron, white and green coats.
Among the best were well, everything. But I loved his variations of the song ‘tu hi re’ from Bombay. Ay Hairathe was extraordinary. So were Krishna nee begane baro, nahi saamne and chappa chappa. At one point, he lost his temper at the audience because they asked him to sing another song when he had started something else. He sang ‘kaalavannu tadeyoru’ and ‘gallada chukki’ to meet with generalized crowd madness. My classmate sreen kannan (a very good singer himself) went mad at his idol’s charisma. He touched his idol’s feet, kissed his idol’s hand, kept his idol’s luggage in his car and finally had to be restrained by force from doing anything else. Sreen kannan reportedly could not sleep in the night. He woke up everyone to tell what all he did to Hariharan.



Then was the Chouu dance by a team headed by Sitalpur Ganesh from west Bengal. It was 11 in the night and most of the crowd had gone home. The team depicted Mahishasura Mardhini’s killing of Mahisha. It was beautiful. Skill, talent and passion culminated into one electrifying performance lasting twenty minutes. Their somersaults and a common movement of squatting, getting up, taking a leap and turning in the air were mind blowing. Two people in the garb of a lion and two more in the garb of a buffalo and a peacock were amazing to say the least. The lion roared, sat on its hind legs, pranced about, walked majestically and scratched its face and underbelly. The buffalo and the lion warred with each other, which was another sight. I was happiest because I saw the chouu dance and the college introduced us to a rich slice of bengal culture. I can go and on about the chouu dance. Many people were not there to see it and that was the lamentable part of it. Anyway, they demanded for an earlier slot the next day and everybody did get to see it all over again. It was brilliant.

Next was a Punjabi dance by us student artistes of medical college. We danced very well. Everyone loved it. Not many saw it but it is recorded to posterity on tape so it’s ok. (Smiles)

**End of day one**

Friday, August 31, 2007

WRITER’S BLOCK

(Confessions of a bonafide hypochondriac)

I make mistakes. Words don’t come to my head. For some reason, there is a jumble causing a disconnect between my brain and mouth (in this case, my pen). I am making errors, causing me irritation like a prolonged episode of jamais vu. Words I used to play with before, twist around, manipulate and then gloat in glee when they meekly obeyed me, now seem like a dream. Yeah, just like when I get up and the dream, when asleep, seemed so vivid, slips away, like nameless, formless randomness that progressively turns to absurdity! My words, my friends... are threatening to forsake me like those dreams that slip away. They assume a misshapen form in my head, in stark contrast to the time when they used to have a concrete structure, perfect in every detail, like a stone statue in belur.
These flawed misshapen words come out of me in a writing that has lost its previous sharpness. Even the writing! The letters are somehow shoddy and appear blunted like my thoughts. For some weird reason, the word ‘neologisms’ has been flitting across my mind since I started writing. Neologisms- new words coined by a schizophrenic, which have absolutely no meaning, which he uses in his writing and speech. Thoughts of neologisms and my inability to write as easily as before have started giving me ideas. I don’t know what is coming over me.

*************

I go to the psychiatry section of the library, pick up a standard book and look under speech and writing in schizophrenics. “Barrage indecent in the incubus and succubus, I strongly think war alcohol practically comments on both sexes should participate freely repeated lord besmirched and sharp concrete structure sons and daughters…” I shut the book and walk back. I smile in spite of myself. It is a long road to madness.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I dont write only in vacations. I write in my busy schedule too. OK?!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

You:What makes you happy?

Me: PERFECTION!

You: tell me the truth!

Me: I swear!

You: (laughs)

Me: (laughs harder)

The oracle

I cannot have done more, cannot have done less to get her. She is everything for me. The only girl I live and care for. She is so beautiful. Her smooth shiny skin, jet-black hair, those large black eyes, her incredible smile displaying her white evenly set teeth. Her lithe figure, the perfect figure, her skirt clinging to her waist and hips, she embodies all that which brings happiness to the heart thanking the heavens that there is perfection.
I could look at her for days, struck by her face, I could listen to her speak forever, watching as she spoke each syllable, her tongue touching the roof of her mouth, the way she winked sometimes when she said something, her lips stained with the wild berries we ate together, the times I accidentally brushed her smooth hand. I was not in love with her. No. I was happy just to gaze at her, just to look at her and drink on her beauty.
I could drink wine and not be intoxicated but I could look at Swathi and be so. Yes her name… Swa- thi… said separately in two breaths. The only two breaths that made life worth living.
And yet when my doctor says she is a figment of my imagination, I want to kill him, but I will not do so, because Swathi went away because I killed so many others when they said she is a lie. I have not seen her since. Maybe if I control my temper she will come back. Nobody can call you a lie Swathi. You are the only truth. you are the only real thing in this fraudulence.

Come back…

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Sorry for the interruption..

Only streamers and festoons from now on. I promise!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Incoherence you think?

There is nothing I can do about the way I am. Absolutely nothing. My mistake in encouraging deranged behavior perhaps. Am I too late? If not, why am I so bothered? One thing in life, you can’t change an iota of anything. Other human beings are things too for an individual. They have become things now. Do I disgust you? Smirk. Look into yourself. Oh no… sorry. I forgot you think you are perfect. My apologies.


Q;You know what you strike with your ball in a bowling alley?
A:Pins.

I still haven't got the answer.

LONELY

Lonely (Content though). My respect is gone. (Content) Considered foolish by so-called friends. (Can’t do anything about it). Have a mentally deranged ‘friend’ who is obsessed with the exact opposite (of me) kind of women. Makes me sad (content anyway)
What should I do? Tell me please. Until then, pass me the drink. Give me my pen and paper. Go then.

Friday, December 29, 2006

The computer knows…

The web has proved to be as omniscient as ever. Went to blogthings (fun things to put on your blog). Found these amazingly interesting little tests. Went through a myriad of tests, ranging from what I was in my past life to what kind of doughnut I am! What I got was really really interesting. Some results were so true that I opened my eyes wide and stared. (My characteristic surprised look!). Some results were pointed so smack at me that I just laughed out loud (for lack of a better response). Some tests spewed results, which I am too embarrassed to talk about. J
Seems I was a happy- go- lucky Korean warrior who died on the battlefield in my past life. Sounds like me. Not serious about anything, yet die a hero! I know it’s presumptuous but that’s just a perception I have of my present life too, as of now! When I will get my ‘dukhi- aatma’ status back, I do not know. It’s coming over already as I speak. Yes! From frolicking to depression in a jiffy! I took the mood test too! Bang on! Extreme mood fluctuations. Tend to be very quiet or overtly talkative… said Mr. Blogthings.com. What kind of high school kid was I? What’s my element, how much of a lady am I, how do I lead my life, how is my blogging personality? Wont tell you. Just scroll down and find out for yourselves. You’ll find a link beneath each of my test results, click on them and take the tests yourselves. Answer the questions with utmost honesty and undergo the profound experience of having someone tell you exactly what you know already! Have fun!
Don't forget to leave your comments!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.
You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Experimenting

You're all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them.
You see life as your lab - and you're always trying out new things, people, and ideas.

The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations.
You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.
Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs.

In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!
How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.
Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!
And chances are, you're currently in love.
You have a strong physical response to love...
And you are great at committing
(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)
Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations.
You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts.
Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition.
The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.

Apoorva's synonym --


curious (... as in inquiring!)



'What is your synonym?' at QuizGalaxy.com