Wednesday, July 08, 2009
The dynamics of my vacations
I study, study and study some more when my exams are nearing. I solemnly swear to myself that I’ll never study this last minute and swear once more that I’ll spend my holidays diligently poring over my books. I curse myself for wasting even a minute fooling around with my friends rather than coining mnemonics for the eye signs in primary thyrotoxicosis. I curse my obscene weight- gain, thanks to long hours spent cramming and not lifting my butt off the chair for fifteen hours or more a day, think to myself that I look 5 months pregnant. The deal is that basically curse all my ‘enviable’ time management skills which led to the pathetic state of affairs a month or two before exams which leads to a downhill course of my health, (I get this hacking, tuberculosis patient cough from too much tension that does not let me sleep) appearance (I told you about the weight gain) and my high strung, will- start-hearing- voices- anytime-now-from- cracking-up state of mind.
So the exams get over, I think I’ve done pretty well, I come home. Then it starts all over again, I slack off again completely. All my plans to start reading for my next exam, go right out of the window. I study for like four hours a day, think to myself that I have studied so much when I am supposed to be enjoying my vacations and slack off some more, reducing the time to three hours the next day. I withdraw into a shell, brood over my life’s innumerable mistakes, obsess over my friendships, family, relationships and would-have-been relationships and pick out one day of my vacation to continuously text a certain someone and bore him with my still not- so- extinguished feelings. If the vacay is short, the rest of it is over brooding over it some more. I also cut off contact with my friends for a few days till they frantically come banging on my door, threatening to break it down. Even then, I refuse to open up. I sleep at 2 in the night watching movies, get up at 12 or 11 (if I am lucky), read some book, eat, gain some more weight, i check my email a few hundred times a day and log in to facebook not less than thirty thousand times a day. But beneath all the laziness, my aggressive type- A personality which formerly used to consider any minute not spent studying as a minute wasted, howls in agony. For that side of me, holidays are the pits. I wonder why on earth our college has to give procrastinating people like me more time to procrastinate.
So there, that’s my holidays, in a nutshell. But since these holidays have begun, I’ve noticed some change in the godforsaken pattern. I find myself being proactive for a change. Why, yesterday I went to the government hospital to see a few cases, I am studying a bit and today I actually went running when it was raining! Talk about being motivated! But it’s been only 4 days really, since the holidays have begun and it’s definitely too early to comment on how the days ahead are going to take shape. Also, there is the fact that I have cut off contact with friends to be a recluse. So there are signs of this too turning into a stereotype vacay. There are good signs and bad. Let’s see how it turns out.
*fingers crossed*. Please pray that I do something productive.