Friday, August 31, 2007

WRITER’S BLOCK

(Confessions of a bonafide hypochondriac)

I make mistakes. Words don’t come to my head. For some reason, there is a jumble causing a disconnect between my brain and mouth (in this case, my pen). I am making errors, causing me irritation like a prolonged episode of jamais vu. Words I used to play with before, twist around, manipulate and then gloat in glee when they meekly obeyed me, now seem like a dream. Yeah, just like when I get up and the dream, when asleep, seemed so vivid, slips away, like nameless, formless randomness that progressively turns to absurdity! My words, my friends... are threatening to forsake me like those dreams that slip away. They assume a misshapen form in my head, in stark contrast to the time when they used to have a concrete structure, perfect in every detail, like a stone statue in belur.
These flawed misshapen words come out of me in a writing that has lost its previous sharpness. Even the writing! The letters are somehow shoddy and appear blunted like my thoughts. For some weird reason, the word ‘neologisms’ has been flitting across my mind since I started writing. Neologisms- new words coined by a schizophrenic, which have absolutely no meaning, which he uses in his writing and speech. Thoughts of neologisms and my inability to write as easily as before have started giving me ideas. I don’t know what is coming over me.

*************

I go to the psychiatry section of the library, pick up a standard book and look under speech and writing in schizophrenics. “Barrage indecent in the incubus and succubus, I strongly think war alcohol practically comments on both sexes should participate freely repeated lord besmirched and sharp concrete structure sons and daughters…” I shut the book and walk back. I smile in spite of myself. It is a long road to madness.

11 comments:

Iceman said...

I don't suffer from insanity...
I enjoy every moment of it!

Fallen Angel said...

Normal is boring.


Madness is ecstasy.

The road to madness is filled with people like me and iceman, and we ain't gonna let you get thee easy.

:)

It's a mad mad mad mad world....welcome :)

just like that said...

the quest to attain "that cutting edge" in ur life is an effort as futile as u rightly said wakin up to try holding the contents of ur dreams(who better than me to tel u this!).....
it cannot be forced let it come as and when it wishes to,ther's somethin to learn from this phase also perhaps..
unlike ur above 2 frens i wouldn't ask u to cherish insanity,no...
the most imp.thing it's a good write up..you've done loads better than this but still it is good..
you have a remarkable n almost brutal way of perception but don't stick to it very hard....
good,keep up the stuff goin:)

an experience...nothing short of it said...

@ iceman

it gets scary sometimes!

@ fallen angel
sometimes i want to be normal... ;)
sure.. insane territory all yours and iceman's.. i dont want to goooooo.... *HOWL*
:)

@ anu
yeah in psychiatry 'brutal perception' is called a strong insight.. insight is a unit of measurement in mental staus examination. i have a strong insight suggests i am not neurotic.
:D

Keshi said...

to me insanity is when u hv known life inside out.

Keshi.

an experience...nothing short of it said...

I agree Keshi..glad u said that

Keshi said...

:)

Keshi.

Princess Banter said...

Insanity is ecstasy taken to another level. It has to be savored and enjoyed -- every minute of it :)

an experience...nothing short of it said...

@Princess banter

i ill regret not having savoured it maybe some years later when i would get out of its comfort.. i am heading towards getting out of it

;( or maybe not :)

welcome to my blog....
keep visiting

anju christine said...

was on orkut and saw and update on ur profile which led me to checking it and what do i chance upon? my my! n i read all ur previouss posts and this one and i believe that if THIS is ur writers block, u should suffer from it forever...

i cant believe u actually did the last bit tho... i study psychology now as one of my subjects and by those standards, i should suffer from every single disorder that homosapiens can suffer from..hehe

an experience...nothing short of it said...

hey anju.. welcome to my blog..

:) :)

i know i know.. this post wrote itself. I sat to write stuff for my magazine and drew a big zero.. then i started writing about the zero and well.. tada!! its not that i think i am deranged all the time. dont worry.. ;)

psychology and psychiatry are great subjects.. let the insanity go on forever.

keep visiting...
cheers